my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
