EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
