I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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