When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.