I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
