apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome