google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
