you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?