I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
