The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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