My room smells like vodka and shame
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
