We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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