apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
