Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
