Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
