toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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