i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
