all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
