im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
