it was like eating out sand paper
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize