U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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