i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
