u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love you. Go after that dick
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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