he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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