I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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