I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
