God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
