Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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