he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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