Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
