All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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