I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
