Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
