Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
