You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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