Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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