i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My penis needs a shock collar
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
