I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I intend to get homeless drunk
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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