i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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