Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
