There was a lot of him and a little penis
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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