yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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