It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
