and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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