why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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