apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
