While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
