Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
