I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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