I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
