You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
