im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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