fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You ruined the universe
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
