I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
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My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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