I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
