Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
