True but thats because hes a fetus.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
