I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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