This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
