actually, I'm a sock model
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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