Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Boobs are out for the taking
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
soo... how was my night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize