Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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