"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
