I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
