Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
