Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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