i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
