I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Soap is not a condiment
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
