onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
