just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
