im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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